I'll return to stories soon...

But, until then, i need to stop and talk about last night.

For mother's day this year, Matt made me a DVD of pics and video clips from Nehem's first week out of the womb, complete with tear inducing images from his NICU stay to some of my favorite music. AND, tickets to see Brooke Fraser at 3rd and Lindsley. The concert was last night, and it may have been the best i've ever seen. She may be my favorite artist and her music has so much to do with God, comfort in Christ and our responsibility as His people to be His hands and feet to a world in desperate need for restoration. Her music/lyrics are quite thought inducing, and so this is what i'm thinking about today, after a wonderful night with my husband and a couple of close friends...

We are horribly emotionally driven people aren't we?! In particular, for me right this second in my life, i find myself at an odd place. Matt's in transition out of an area of ministry and working in a 'secular' position that isn't really secular at all, because i've determined everything is spiritual, but, i digress. We're transitioning to a new church family at New Vision, and i'm overwhelmed with newness, yet excited for what God has in store, yet apprehensive because i don't have a clue what that looks like, but i'm trusting He knows every detail, and trying to remind myself put my faith in Him to orchestrate it all, as He will anyway...i'm usually pretty even keeled, and it takes alot to rock me, and i'm a little anxious, and i find i don't particularly care for it. i'm sure i should be praying more.

So, in finding myself here, after i have a little spurt of nervous energy or whatever, i begin to notice...way too late...that i'm not feeling God and his undeniable presence all that much. And i believe there are times when i, because i'm in this flesh, separated from His full presence that i can't wait to experience in eternity, there will be times i'm not going to 'feel' it so much. But that doesn't mean i shouldn't seek His face, and i find my desire for Him grows more and leads me in search. And that makes me realize the shallowness of these emotions i'm so driven by. Because what i feel, alone and questioning, isn't what i know is true...that He is always here, and i'm in His grasp. Ahhh.

So, to complete my rambling circle, perhaps my favorite song by Brooke Fraser is as follows:

Faithful

There's distance in the air and i cannot make it leave
I wave my arms round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though i know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what i long for

[chorus]
When i can't feel you, i have learned to reach out just the same
When i can't hear you, i know you still hear every word i pray
And i want you more than i want to live another day
And as i wait for you, maybe i'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though i know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So i whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tongue
Knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

[chorus]

[bridge]
Show me how i should live this
Show me how i should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all i want
You are all i want


I told Matt he may never be able to top this year's mother's day present.